February 13, 2019

A down day today.  Julia is fine.  Well, as fine as one can be in her state.  But my grandma passed away this morning.

I kind of just shook my head as I typed that.  I can't help but feel like there is some sort of currency exchange going on or something.  I don't understand the timing.... why things are happening the way they are.  I don't really subscribe to the "everything happens in 3's" notion, but dad, cat, uncle... we should have been done.  Hopefully it's not starting all over again.  I'd like to say that as far as I know, everyone else in my life is healthy... but that doesn't really give me much security anymore.  My dad passed 6 months after diagnosis, my uncle just 3 months, my cat looked fine until the day of.  So who knows what's really going on.  

Thankfully(?) I can say that my grandma did NOT die to cancer.  So there's that.  She was 103.  She lived an awesomely long life.  She's my moms mom, and the mother of the uncle who just passed.  I'm sure losing him so quickly was what tipped the scale.  She was on pace to live forever I think.  I'm happy she's finally back together with my grandpa.  I think we lost him over a decade ago, so the reunion has been a long time coming.

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Julia had a very sleepy day today.  She has not opened her eye at all, which I'm sure has only added to my not-great day.  I really liked our recent progress.  I "know" it's most likely the chemo making her too tired to interact; but some days I don't have a good handle on my paranoia, and all news is bad news.  She has moved her mouth a lot though, which is good.  I asked Reed to give her Elephant pacifier again, but apparently she pooped on him.  So... he needs a bath.  

No concerns, such as fever.  Vitals are good: heart rate 110s, oxygen saturation 97-100, ET high 40s, BP 118/76.  The wound care team looked at the bolt hole I don't like, and told Reed they are very happy with it and have no concerns.  He didn't think to get a picture, so I'll have to look at it tomorrow.  I was with Gabriel today and didn't get to see her.  I'm bringing Reed a fancy Wawa Valentine's Day dinner tomorrow, and also have a special shirt and some new hats for Julia.  

I was hoping to end on a happier note, and share our Valentine's Day picture from last year... but even that's bumming me out.  I had big plans to take one like this every year, where Reed's holding all our kids and cats.  I figured every year we'd just be adding another one or the other, and they'd get bigger, and it would get more comical as it went.  But only one year in, and Socks is gone, and Julia.... well, she certainly can't get flipped upside down like that right now.  

Maybe we'll continue next year. 

Ugh.

I'm so bummed out I'm actually annoying myself.  I didn't even know that was a thing.

OK, I'm going to leave this here and try again tomorrow!

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If you're new and want to know what's going on, my first post about Julia was on October 31st. You can find them all on my Facebook page or Julia's website <3